Tag Archives: DMV

One of the most serious threats to our survival is the vulnerability of our infrastructure to cyberspace hacking. I have a failsafe solution to that potential!

Our Defense Department has only to devise a cyberspace cordon based on the system for recorded messages of the New York State Department of Motor vehicles. It is brilliantly designed to keep anyone from contacting a live human being.

I pride myself in finding ways to get around recorded messages. For example, when I’m automatically asked to answer a question by saying, “Yes” or “No” or any other specific word into the speaker, I simply say, “Merry Christmas” or “Happy New Year” or anything else that happens to come to mind. Then I hear, “I’m sorry, I do not understand your response… .” I say, “I’ll bet you don’t.” That does it. I then hear, “Please stay on the line, a representative will assist you.” (I must admit I enjoy her confusion even though she’s not real.)

In some instances, I employ another technique. I listen to the ‘menu’ until I hear a number soliciting me for one of the company’s products or services. I press that number although I have no intention of buying anything. Bingo! I am connected to a salesperson who, in turn, becomes my connection to the person with whom I really need to speak.

I hear rumors that salespersons are shackled to their posts in irons and have electrodes firmly fastened to their heads that will automatically electrocute them if they do not answer my call instantly. I don’t feel guilty about tricking the company they represent because my ruse is justified. Try it, you’ll find that it works!

But I digress.

I’ve just spent an hour trying to break the code of the DMV. I gave up, and decided to go to the nearest DMV. So, I pressed the option that promised to give me the location of each DMV in the five boroughs of New York City and Long Island. In excruciating detail, the recorded messages gave me the location of two departments in the Bronx.

I live in Brooklyn.

So, I waited for information about Brooklyn. There was no information about any borough other than the Bronx. Believing that I might have misunderstood the recorded messages, I tried again. Three times. No, I had not misunderstood the messages. No, I was not given an option for Brooklyn. For whatever reason, only Bronx information was available.

That did it. I hung up and wrote this blog in the hope that some governmental operative reads it and initiates a cyber defense system based on the DMV unassailable prototype. You may ask, “Why don’t you speak to the Defense Department yourself?” I dare not stress my sanity any further by pressing more buttons. I’m already at the edge coping with our new “society by proxy.”